


Heartache

by QuietDarkness



Series: Hearts (Destiel) [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-19
Updated: 2017-04-19
Packaged: 2018-10-20 23:34:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10673076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QuietDarkness/pseuds/QuietDarkness
Summary: Cas nearly dies saving Dean's life during a botched hunt. And Dean finds a new reassurance in the days that follow...(Part 4)





	Heartache

Cas wasn't moving.

That was what Dean's swirling thoughts kept coming back to. 

His angel was laying there, skin ashen and cracked bloody everywhere, clear blue eyes closed, whole body still as a rock. And Dean couldn't do a damn thing about it but stare. No amount of begging or yelling or railing against the chains that had Dean pinned to the wall seemed to matter. Cas wasn't moving. He hadn't moved for nearly twenty minutes. Far too long. He was probably dead.... "Fuck you, Dean. He's not dead!" he blurted out to himself, his voice echoing strangely in the confines of the wet cobblestone basement, his wrists nearly raw from pulling on the heavy metal chains. 

This hunt had been hell from minute one. An ancient elemental running amok and sucking the life out of people turned into the Winchesters and Cas trying to figure out how to kill something that could literally survive off the energy of the goddamn planet. It had been hit and miss for days. Until they figured out who'd summoned the damn thing in the first place. A disgruntled mailman with an ax to grind. Simple enough. Stop the dude, stop the elemental, right? Only that ended up with Dean getting hit by a shitty ass ford pickup, dragged to this basement, and Cas coming to the rescue. 

It was pretty clear how that had unfolded. 

Sam and Cas had split up, Sam going after the elemental with some fancy spell work. Cas had killed the idiot postal worker who'd summoned the elemental in the first place, his body now cooling near the door. But the elemental decided that once it was free of its chains, thanks to whatever spell Sam had done at the makeshift shrine across town, it would just explode its way back to whatever cave it had come from. And Cas, ever protecting and caring Cas, stood in front of Dean and took the brunt of it. All of that energy, all of that electricity, all of that pain, and Cas soaked it up to keep it away from Dean.

And then it was just too quiet. Minutes passed and Dean struggled. But Cas wasn't moving. And Sam was taking too damn long to show up. Dean knew he would. He had to. But the minutes kept passing, turning into an hour. Maybe longer. Dean had lost track by the time Sam finally staggered into the basement, looking all kinds of exhausted and with a rather nasty gash on his forehead. "Shit..." Sam muttered, his heavy steps stopping just beside Cas's still form. The brother's exchanged a painful look before Sam knelt beside the angel, a hand flattening onto Cas's chest tentatively. Dean was holding his breath at this point. "Please, please, please..." He began to mutter before he realized the word was being said. Then Sam's eyebrows shot up.

"He's alive." Sam stated in shock, then moved to Dean's side quickly. Getting the chains off ended up taking a bolt cutter, but once they were gone, Dean's stiff body was moving, numb fingers grabbing at Cas's trenchcoat, dragging the angel into his lap. 

"Come on, Cas, wake up." He muttered, feeling tears stinging his eyes. The angel was cold, but Sam was right. He was alive. A single vein pulsed in Cas's neck and though it was barely noticeable, his chest rose and fell. Dean let out a choked sound, hugging Cas tighter as Sam ran out to the Impala to get their makeshift medical kit. "Don't leave me, you ass." He mouthed against Cas's cracked temple, closing his eyes and breathing in as deep as he possibly could, as if that would make Cas snap out of it and heal himself. When Sam came back, Dean was rocking the angel lightly. He was exhausted and sore and his chest was throbbing with the thought that Cas was laying there in his arms, not dead but dying. 

"I don't understand why he isn't healing..." Sam muttered lightly, yanking clean bandages out of the old duffel bag and taking one of Dean's raw wrists into his hands, glancing slightly at the on-death's-door looking Cas. Dean didn't say anything. Just stared at Sam in quiet defeat. He didn't need to say what they were both thinking. If Cas wasn't healing... Dean closed his eyes, felt a few tears escape but didn't try to stop them. He just held Cas that much closer, letting Sam do whatever he wanted, and praying relentlessly for Cas to move. _'Just move...'_

* * *

Sam wouldn't stop blaming himself. Dean could tell. When he'd finished the spell to release the elemental, it had caused a minor explosion which had thrown Sam across the room. He'd smacked his head hard enough to knock himself out. Which was why it had taken so long to get to Dean and Cas. Dean was blaming himself for being tied up and useless enough that Cas had to risk himself in the first place. The two brothers were both being gloomy, stubborn idiots. Which, in a way, was sort of comforting to Dean. At least he didn't have to be grumpy alone.

Cas was still not moving. 

They'd gotten him back to the bunker, and though both Sam and Dean had injuries of their own, they both tended to the angel without pause or fail. Every inch of Cas's skin was cracked, like an egg shell. Broken lines covered his skin, some large and raw and others small and splayed like spiderwebs. Dean wasn't sure they could even treat wounds like that. There wasn't much in the way of blood. And it wasn't exactly like burns. Whatever electricity the elemental had flooded Cas's body with had made his flesh dry up and crackle. Which made Dean think the worst of the damage must be inside Cas. And that didn't bode well. 

Days passed, and still no healing occurred. Nights dragged on, and Cas barely breathed. Dean barely slept. Time barely felt real. 

They called everyone they could think of, read everything they could find on elementals, even contacted Crowley. But no one and nothing could give them a reason why Cas wasn't healing. It was nearly two weeks before they got their first glimmer of an explanation, from Rowena of all people. 

"He's been put into a state of hibernation." She said, a hand on Cas's forehead, delicate fingers pressing into the gray and cracked skin. "All that elemental energy, it can't kill an angel. But it can overload one."

"What the hell does that mean?" Dean asked gruffly, shifting on his feet, arms crossed over his chest as he watched her pull her hand away, her short stature straightening as she shrugged at him. 

"It means he took in too much power, and he either lets it out very, very slowly, or he explodes. Hence the dormancy here." She moved away from Cas's bedside, grabbing her long, velvety jacket off the chair near the wall. "You can't tell, but every moment he's releasing that energy. Once enough of it is out of his system, he'll start healing." She moved to Dean, patting his arm lightly like a mother would to a silly child. "Hang in there, Dean dear. It's just a waiting game now. Your angel's going to be right as rain in time." 

All Dean could do was frown as she walked away, Sam giving him a knowing look before following her out of the room. He let his eyes fall back on Cas's still unmoving form as he crossed the distance and settled beside the angel on the bed, a hand slipping through Cas's too dry hair. "Hurry it up, man." He whispered, then leaned forward and kissed Cas's far too cool cheek. "I need you to come back." He whispered more, pressing his forehead to Cas's. He swore, for a brief moment, Cas's breathing picked up speed. Or maybe it was just his imagination. Maybe he'd just been staring at Cas's quiet stillness for too long. Still... it made Dean's eyes widen as he sat up straight, flattening his hand over Cas's chest. "I've got ya." He said with a nod. And then silence filled the space around them, painfully reminding him of how time didn't seem to give a shit.

* * *

"Dean, please stop." Cas's more rough than usual voice filtered out as he gripped Dean's hand and tugged him down to sit beside him. He'd been awake for a day, and looked world's better. His skin was still a mottle gray but the cracks had all disappeared. And though Cas couldn't even stand yet, Dean was glad to feel the strength in his angel's hands as they held Dean in place. "You don't need to do anything more." Cas chided. 

Since he'd woken up, Dean had pretty much doted on Cas. He brought him food, magazines, fresh blankets, dvd's to binge, even gave the guy a sponge bath, much to Cas's chagrin. Dean sighed lightly, meeting Cas's steely blue glaze and felt all the fuzzy warmth of Cas finally waking up come back to him all over again. "I can't help it." Dean finally admitted, shifting position so he was sitting side by side with Cas against the headboard. He pulled Cas's warm hand into his lap, wrapping it in both of his own. "This past month has been a nightmare. I thought..." he cleared his throat a little. "I really thought this was it. That I'd lost you." He was looking at Cas's long fingers, folded into Dean's palm, as he spoke. Cas sighed softly beside him, leaning his weight into Dean's side.

"I'm sorry, for worrying you. Truly." He said plainly, but Dean could tell he meant it.

"Yeah, well... don't do it again and we'll call it even."

"I cannot promise that, Dean." Cas said, Dean turning his head to see the angel staring at him, a breath away from his face. Dean furrowed his brows.

"The hell you can't. You didn't have to take that full blast, man." Dean argued, reaching a hand up to cup Cas's cheek warmly.

"Yes I did. I knew it wouldn't kill me. But you?" Cas closed his eyes, pressing his forehead to Dean's. "You would not have survived it. And I would not have survived losing you." Cas's words met Dean's ears and made his eyes sting instantly. Why did loving someone have to be so painful? He didn't respond, though. At least not with words. He pressed his lips warmly to Cas's, a tender brush of lips that Cas gladly returned, he barest touching of tongues turning into a sigh they both shared. 

"I love you, Cas. I can't lose you, either." Dean opened his eyes then, stroking Cas's temple softly. "But that's the deal, right?" He gave a sad smile. "Me hunter, you angel. Always in the thick of it." He watched a small, knowing smile spread on Cas's soft lips. "Why'd we agree to this?" Dean smirked. And Cas's smile grew.

"Because we are meant to be together, regardless of the risk." Cas answered in complete honesty and belief. It stilled something inside of Dean. And he felt a sigh shudder through him before he was once again tenderly kissing his angel. Cas was right. Worry was part of the deal. So was heartache. So was pain. But so was love. And a whole lot of it. He'd gladly take the relentless ache of worrying about his significant other for the trade off, which was happiness and a connection beyond anything Dean had ever known. And knowing Cas, his angel was more than willing to do the same. When the kiss ended, and they were just eased into each other, Dean found his voice.

"If I could, I'd marry you." He admitted warmly. There was no jest in the comment. Of all the people Dean had ever been with, his relationship with Cas was the most real and steady and honest he'd ever had. In a way, it was a shame that Cas wasn't a regular guy because Dean would find the nearest JP and put a ring on his finger in a heartbeat. He could feel Cas smiling in his arms.

"Perhaps we could simply exchange vows." The angel offered, settling even more into Dean's hold and the bed till he was half draped over the hunter. Dean relaxed completely, till his head hit the pillows and he had Cas in a firm hold against him.

"So... like a pretend wedding? Do people do that?" He mused, closing his eyes. 

"Not pretend. We do not need a certificate or legalities. We simply need each other." Cas mumbled against him. And Dean felt the idea taking a firm hold in his head.

"Yeah... I like that idea." Dean said softly. Then felt himself grinning. "We're so getting rings, though."

"If you wish." Cas offered easily. And Dean nodded.

"Good. It's settled. We'll make plans." 

"But not right now." Cas sighed softly, exhaustion lacing his tone. He couldn't sleep, not like humans could. But something about nearly dying and still healing himself must have been making it possible. Because before Dean could respond, Cas was suddenly quiet. And asleep. Seriously asleep. Dean found himself smiling far too fondly, then pressing a chaste kiss to Cas's forehead before reaching over and shutting off the bedside lamp. He held his angel in the dark.

Cas wasn't moving. 

But this time, it was okay. This time, it was how it was supposed to be. Cas was alive, loving Dean, and willing to tackle an uncertain future with him. Shit. Things didn't get any more okay than that. And Dean soon followed his angel to sleep, certain that no matter how shitty or painful or worrisome things could get, he wouldn't trade this relationship for anyone or anything. He'd endure it all. As long as he got moments like this, with Cas and the promise of a tomorrow at his side...


End file.
